Self motivated team player

“I’m a self motivated team player with out-of-the-box-thinking…”

Heaven freak’in help me. If I read one more resume with those words I’m going to toss my cookies.

As you might guess we’re trying to fill a couple of positions at the office — a web designer/programmer and a senior-level graphic artist. I went through this once before when I hired my first web designer/programmer. Those resumes were bad, but I believe some in this latest round have sunk to an even lower level.

You have the desperately hopeless group.  This is the person who meets none… and I mean none… of the job requirements (discounting that they are a homo sapien and alive).  If you are currently a plumber and have never used a computer in your life, please don’t apply to be a web designer/programmer.  My first thought on instances like this is “oh, they must have applied for the wrong position”, but when they include a cover letter that attempts to point out why they are perfect for the position, I honestly begin to wonder.

You have the apples for oranges group.  If I want PHP and Perl expertise and all you know is ASP, well tough cookies. That ain’t going to cut it. I need apples for apples (as the saying goes).

You have the shoot-themselves-in-the-foot group.  Resume with spelling errors.  Resumes with URLs that are 404.  Resumes listing the applicants height and weight (what’s up with that?).  Resumes listing their high school.  Resumes listing prominent classes in college.  Resumes with no contact information.  I could go on and on.

With regards to graphic artists. First, the layout of your resume is CRITICAL.  An applicant that sends me something cranked out of a word processor with no flair for creativity is going to cost you points (PDF always preferred over a Word doc).  Second, this is 2008.  I want to see an online portfolio.  I don’t want to read statements such as “portfolio available on request” or no portfolio at all. Either of those will cost you MAJOR points.

Enough venting for now.  I may post a follow up if another glaring issue comes to mind.

~ by Genevieve on 2008.01.19.

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